Multiple Sclerosis: The First Two Years.

Valariamsouza hits the ball clear out of the park describing her first two years after an MS diagnosis. She very clearly states what it feels like when your own body attacks itself…when it eats you from the inside out. And what it feels like to be utterly abandoned in your time of the most need.
I’ve already thanked her, but I’m going to say it again…THANK YOU, Valenciamsouza, for giving us and this horrible f***ing disease a voice!!!!

It's complicated.

What I remember most about the first two years of MS is the hunger. I remember lying flat on my mattress, hungry. Close your eyes, go back to sleep.

I’m hungry.

I’m tired. No: I’m decimated. In this game of rock-paper-scissors, tired always wins out over hungry. I close my eyes. I drift in and out of sleep. Four hours pass. I wake up and think: I’m so hungry. Sleep. Eight hours. Still hungry. More sleep. Twelve hours. So fucking hungry. Knocked out again. Sixteen hours. Twenty hours. Sometimes twenty-four or more. Still hungry. Still fucking hungry.

Each time I awake I briefly contemplate getting up, foraging for something to eat. But the walk through the living room, past the bathroom, into the kitchen is long, and I am weak. The thought of opening the fridge or a cabinet, of microwaving something, is beyond me…

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