Indecision, or more accurately fear, appears to be my new personal motto.
Should I actually post what I just spent two hours composing, or trash it like the previous 30 drafts? Will it come under fire because I dared to express my opinion, based on my personal experiences? Perhaps.
Should I take the plunge, so to speak, and try the newest medical advise I’ve received? After everything else has failed, can I afford to? I don’t know.
I am tired of hoping. Tired of putting my faith into a system that ignored me until it was too late. Yet, where else am I supposed to turn to?
Should I try, one last time, reaching out to those who abandoned me after I got too sick to be their lackey any longer? Family isn’t supposed to do that, yet most of mine did.
Fear controls me right now. It’s frozen me in my tracks and I don’t know which way to turn. I just don’t know.
I’m well aware that billions of people, literally, have it much harder than I do. But right now, at this moment in time, that knowledge isn’t really helping to inspire me.
I’m tired. I’m just too damn tired. I don’t want to keep “fighting the good fight.”